Thursday, 25 August 2011

From whiplash to levitation, I need to rant

Lately I've been a little worn down by people's reaction to me being a stay at home mum. I've written about this before and then some more, but recent conversations have left me feeling really frustrated. One particular incident left me with actual whiplash. Now I'm no 1950's house wife wanna be (although scarily I keep getting these urges to bake and tend to my garden but there is no long swirly skirts and pearls in sight...yet). I've always had a little feminist in me. She's way too polite to make any real noise but she's in there. Believing in a women's right to choose who they want to be and what they want to do. When I was younger I swore I'd never get married and if I did it would be much much later in life after I have traveled and essentially conquered the world. In fact a guy I knew who read palms for a living looked at my hand and declared I would be married at 26. I literally laughed in his face. He said 'honey with a love line like that, you got no chance of not being married by then'. 

*Ahem* Turns out I did get married when I was 26... Hey it's not my fault, blame my big juicy love line... 

But once married, the little feminist in wanted me to keep my name. I like it, why should I change it? Luckily hubby didn't care. And motherhood? I never ever pictured my self as a stay at home mum. Even though my mum was one and she did a great job. Too be honest I couldn't even picture myself as a mum. I thought I would suck at it. That it would trap me. That I would loose who I am... (I did a bit but I was too head over heels with my boys to care)

Cut to modern day...

Somehow I have these 2 beautiful babies (I'll save the birds and the bees of it for later).
I can't believe they are mine. 
I can't believe I would die for them. 

As soon as I had Isaac I knew I didn't want someone else to take care of him. I'm selfish that way. I wanted to be the most important person in his life even if it was only for a little while...

Hubby convinced me to let him put me in front of the camera for a change. Don't get too used to it...

Add Lucas to the mix, double trouble.
Many days are hard. I know I'm repeating myself but I'm always tired. Its relentless. I feel guilty all the time. Laze around all day watching daytime TV? Are you freaking kidding me? (apart from a sneaky episode of Gilmore Girls on E4 during nap time shhh) 
This is what I get...

Do you miss working?
No are you crazy? (I am working btw....)
Are you ever planning on going back to work?
What do you do all day? 
(steam coming out of ears)
Some of us have work tomorrow...
(Veins popping)
I don't know how you do it all day every day, aren't you bored? 
I couldn't do what you do...
Head exploded all over the floor which will be a bitch to clean up...

Anyway I think I have some authority issues, because I absolutely hate being told what to do. Especially when I didn't ask for said opinion. However I'm too much of a pussy to say so. I fall into the trap of trying to justify it and win them around. Which by the way never works. Rather than stand up for myself I'm much more likely to write a strongly worded passive aggressive blog post or something...

It feels like people think I'm lazy. Like I'm avoiding work and having a ball relaxing at home. 

I feel like by asking me if I'm bored its like asking 'hey you know that life you have created for yourself  and your children, it sucks right?' Um excuse me I kind of love my life.

Being a mum at home has changed me. I'm much more driven to do better, to be better... And I don't think I have ever been happier. Ask me on a bad day I may say something different but honestly watching them grow has been epic. *Puts on cape and stands on hill looking super hero like...*

I believe in a woman's right to work. We do not want to go backwards to a time when women had no rights or opportunities. But importantly I believe in a woman's right to choose. Someone has to do the job of taking care of them. Why not me instead of paying someone else? I consider this the most important job I've ever done and will ever do. I certainly don't ask mums who work 'how do you do it? and all that. I don't judge the choice to work. I could just as easily felt differently and wanted to work. That's okay too. Either way being a mum is hard work. We need support not criticism. 

This is my problem really. I want people to see it from my point of view. I don't do well with criticism because I want to be liked too much. However the next frigging person who asks me what do I do all day? I will say 'being a mum. AND FYI it's awesome. What's that now? When will I work? Who knows? I'm having too much fun being a mum right now.' End of story.

So here's a little look at our not so boring family on yet another walk...

Actually Isaac is refusing to walk...

And Daddy is getting impatient...

But its pretty so we have time to wait...
We play...

We have magical levitation powers...

 I'm not even kidding...

Not to mention the flying...
 Sort of...

And then there is my kids super human strength. They can lift a full grown adult with no effort what so ever...
No need for us to even carry them really, they can carry us...

And if there is just one blackberry to eat within a ten mile radius we sniff it out with our superhuman nostrils. We will scramble our way to it and then hide all evidence of eating it (...mostly) 

And we just keep on going for walks and enjoying all the pretty around us.

Summer is totally in it's golden time now. When I worked I never really noticed the seasons the way I do now. With every walk the world is transformed. And I get to introduce it to my boys every day.

Lucky me.

Lucky us.

I feel much better now.
Thanks for letting me rant.
I think I'm over it.
I've got too much to do, to be wasting my time fretting about what everybody else thinks I should be doing.

The feminist in me wants to shout out loud 'To thine own self be true...'

End of.


  1. So, what *do* you do all day?! lol
    A child should be brought up by his/her parents and not sent off to a complete stranger at X months old so you are doing exactly the right thing. Of course, you could go to work to earn enough money so that you can pay someone else to be there for all of your child's landmark moments, to be there when they fall and hurt themselves etc. but where's the sense in that?
    Good job Mrs! Now, back to feet up & watching telly all day! lol

  2. haha I'll put the kettle on!

  3. Been there still there. I am a feminist I have made a conscious choice of staying at home therefore making me a feminist and a woman of my own convictions.

    People should really mind their own business because in reality they are jealous that we can make such decisions and no one can stop us.

    Can you tell I have dealt with it as well?! LOL

  4. I feel all rage-y and ranty for you now! I have a couple of fingers for those folks that think being a sahm isn't work.
    It's SO much work and totes worth it, but hello there's no lunch break in Mommyland. No going to the bathroom on your own. And the hours kinda suck - 24 hours a day, always on call.
    In other news, those levitation and flying pics made my day! I love it when you get on the other side of the camera and your boys are going to cherish those rare shots someday:)

  5. I love your rant, and I love your pictures. So glad to be introduced to your blog through LucidLotus and both of us being starred today!

  6. LucidLotus pushed me in your direction too, and am I ever grateful she did. I too am staying at home and I cherish my choice, and my right to make it.

    What really gets up my nose is when I tell people I'm not working and they get all concerned that I understand that they *know* I am "working" at home. I laugh -- Are ya kiddin' me? I have worked before and what I am doing is hard work, but it is not "working" because I am (a) never off work (b) rarely able to squeeze in a coffee break, nevermind lunch (c) I am picking up stuff, cleaning bathrooms and doing dishes all day and (d) my "bosses", all three of them, are never ever satisfied nor are they reasonable. Oh. And (E.) I don't get paid. SO. I am not WORKING.

    Work? That's the easy choice. Mine is the more beautiful and I have the least amount of existential angst I've ever had.

  7. Just catching up with your blog as ive been away. Well I have to say that you are very lucky to be able to look after your young children and they get their mummys attention when it's most definately needed.
    I had to work when my child was a baby... we had no choice or we would of lost our house.
    Cherish these moments for sure -- they pass so quickly!
    And the next time someone asks you what you do all day... challenge them to look after/entertain/teach children all day, each day - it's truly exhausting, none stop, relentless!
    Just make sure you get your adult time too hun.
    Lovely blog post. x